09 November 2009

Some pics, don't worry they're not scary...

9 Nov
My last supper. Pureed Healthy Choice
"Turkey Medallions in mashed potatoes and gravy with sweet potatoes/apples/cranberries"
Tastes delicious without being pureed, not too bad pureed :) Hard with the syringes tho.
Also drinking carnation instant breakfast
(it's like my liquid vitamins, while drinking chocolate milk)
**Take note of the syringes**
From Monday, after my wires were removed.

These "braces" are different than regular orthodontic kind. I think they just push these in between your teeth, so they're not really glued on. I have no idea, but they don't cover your teeth like the orthodontic kind. I'm not sure if I have a preference.

10 Nov
Check out my bands!
Ok, really I took these pics because I wanted to make sure
I put the bands back on (after eating) correctly. I really don't want to screw this up man.
Good thing God is bigger than my mistakes.

Delicious lunch thanks to Leila! She bought beef stew from Yama's fish market. I blended it with some beef broth, (think texture like mashed potatoes). Also mixed in some quinoa and tried to stay away from the white rice.

Open wide... or at least as much as I can go...

Mommy baby time. Although he's distracted by JAG. Hmmph.
Let's see. Today I drove the Matrix to base and Sams Club. I needed to get some stuff, and amazingly I did all my errands really fast. Compared to how I normally am. I dunno how that worked, maybe cause I was in pain? Maybe cause I had a list and it was all written down? I dunno. I got away with driving because I didn't take any oxycodon this morning. However, I cannot use my neck like normal (turning to check blind spots)... so that was not fun. I think I'm gonna lay off the driving for a while. As much as I can. Cause it definitely stressed me out. Although thankfully (and I'm sure Hubby is very happy with this ) I didn't scratch the car. I tend to "help him learn not to value worldly things" lol. AKA I damage things :P

Speaking of neck, my nerves are trying to return, I can feel pain in places I couldn't feel before. I think it's a good sign, it's coming back. Still missing the ability to control my lower right lip half, and the lack of feeling makes me dribble without realizing it. Guess I need to learn to wipe no matter what. It's ok, they'll come back.

Eating regular food has been helpful. Or you know what I mean. It feels weird taking the bands off, I feel like I'm gonna screw up putting them back on. I also cannot open the mouth all the way, so I have to shove as much as I can, and then keep going with it. I feel like I'm feeding my son, except I'm feeding me. I should probably have a bib though. lol. I am thankful for food though. Today I made instant mashed potatoes (betty crocker with red skin potatoes...mmm) and some cooked salmon from sams club, I mushed it together. It was delicious. Made me grateful I don't mind mixing my foods. I do need to keep track of what I'm eating (I guess I should restart SP), but I don't want to eat unhealthy stuff and prevent weight loss. I need to be eating healthy stuff. :) so one treat every other day. Yesterday it was the beef stew, I dunno what tomorrow will be. It's interesting, I have to fight the mentality, "I deserve to eat this chocolate cake, or ice cream or..." you get the point. I almost bought Dinte Moore beef stew, but I knew it wasn't a good idea. So I bought some healthy choice soups.

I'm amazed at how people are blessed by this whoel thing. I guess it's encouraging seeing me at church or at events. Today, someone told me after our prayer/worship night, that they knew I was worshipping even though I couldn't really sing with my voice, I was still worshipping God, and when I rose my hands, it broke them. I mean, that's cool. People keep telling me that it's soo cool that I come to stuff, but I feel like telling them, "You don't understand, I have to come here. I have to draw close to God. I can't be home and let Satan fill my head with lies. I don't come here to see you, or to encourage you, I come here for me!" I feel like they think I'm trying to be encouraging, no I'm just being selfish. BUT thankfully my God is bigger than me, and He uses my selfishness for greater things. And that to me, is so amazing.

People teach that we go through trials because we have to learn something. And we'll keep going through them until we learn what we needed to learn. I told Sherri that I don't know what to think about that, because I know that I'll have another surgery. I know the recovery will be about the same, just as hard, just as painful. So what does that mean? Is God is preparing me ahead of time that I'm not gonna learn what I need to learn? It was hard to grasp at first, and I don't know the answer.

But I do know that I've started to believe that my bone will grow back on its own (thus not needing the second surgery). And I started to really dig into this healing stuff--"Divine Healing" by Norvel Hayes has really changed my persepective on God and who He is. I'm not sure I've learned what I've need to learn or if I have to go through this trial again. But I'll do whatever He needs me to do in order to bring Him glory.

What have people said about this? They're encouraged by my positive attitude. That I don't complain about the food I have to eat, or the pain, or the limitations. They're encouraged by my faith in God. They're encouraged when I continue to seek Him, through this all. They're glad it's not them going through this, and that I'm the only one strong enough to go through this kind of thing. I'm glad. Not for me, but for them. I'm glad they are encouraged. Nah, I'm stoked. In fact, I'm humbled. That God would use me for this.

I dunno if any of this makes sense. I just know that God has become very real to me through this. I know that my perspective on God has changed drastically. It's exciting.

It's late, I didn't nap today. I went to bed at 2am, woke up around 0645 cause of baby, then slept again, and woke up at 10. It's midnight thirty...and time for sleep. G'night.

Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; his greatness NO ONE can fathom.

Psalm 145:3

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