02 December 2010

To Blackberry or Not?

This week for work I've been in a Victim Advocate training class. Totally interesting and loving it. But, I've not been "at work" and literally have been spending my lunches from class walking (faster than trying to drive and park) to work, to check my email and try to stay on top of this "Change of Command Reception" menu project I'm working on for 10 December. Now, I currently have an away message for my email (something very important in my opinion... we're so email-centric the LAST thing you want is someone to ASSUME you know something just because they emailed you, but they didn't know you weren't at work...and so... see how bad this gets?)...anyway. I have an away message, and I also have an auto-forward thing going where certain emails are being forwarded to my personal gmail account.

Now that would be all grande and stuff, but I don't have a smart phone. I'm starting to think I'm one of the last people on the planet without a phone with internet capabilities. Needless to say, running back and forth to work during lunch the past 4 days makes me really consider if I want to cave and get a blackberry. Definitely looking like a good option.. because really, I could get a FREE one from TMobile (an upgrade--Blackberry Curve 3G--comments?) AND only pay like an additional $30/month! Hmmph, sure beats my husband's phone bill of $100. :D



28 November 2010

well ladies & gents...

I hobbled my way through 1.5 miles on the Punahou track yesterday afternoon... thanks to Marcus who kinda hounded/mentioned/encouraged that I need to start working out again (getting cardio up, and running/jogging).

Anyway. By lap 3 I was totally done for, lungs were burning. Lap 4 I wanted to quit, then finishing up lap 6 I took my headphones out cause I was trying to push it, man I sounded like I was going to die. I cannot imagine what all those other people who were on the track and had to listen to me breathe were thinking. Thankfully I finished, in 16:30. My goal (for early Feb) is 15:50. Not bad, shave off 50 sec or about 8 sec/lap. It'll take time, but prayerfully I can get there. I also need to work on pushups and situps, something I've been putting off because let's face it, it hurts my jaw and it hurts my back and my hip.

Now it's already the next day and I haven't posted this yet. I was considering doing some walk/jog with the kid this evening, but somehow that doesn't sound exciting (and yet laundry does :P) Hmm... I gotta beef up cardio...Wish my stupid Jillian Michaels DVD would get here.. hmmph

25 November 2010


Well I guess it's been a while hunh? It's funny, I don't really get any emails complaining about a lack of post, I just get monthly emails updating me with life, and then I try to respond back with an update on us.

Thanksgiving is today (but tomorrow to me, since I haven't gone to bed yet). I was dreading it because I'm not really sure what we were responsible for, other than hosting the location. Needless to say I was very cranky and anti-cooking... so I guess not *having* to cook anything was actually good, especially since I worked a swing shift tonight. But, after perusing the long overdue blogger dashboard, I saw mama heada's Pot Roast recipe, and BOY did it look like something I needed to do. And I asked Marcus if there was something he wanted, and he said ham. Random (to me at least), and slightly freaked me out, since he told me Tuesday night, and again, I worked 4pm-midnight on Wednesday, and people were coming over to our place around 10 on Thursday...

Thankfully my two meetings were cancelled today before work, so after my orthodontist appt, I headed to run some errands, including the commissary. Unfortunately by this point I was deliriously hungry (you know, the shakes, and the pit in your stomach, and so hungry you want to just eat canned food)... so I thought, "Hey, why not? Make a pot roast!" So I bought ingredients (good thing all I needed was cream of mushroom soup & meat, I had the french onion powdered soup at home). I also bought a brown sugar & honey ham (to be heated tomorrow), and some yams... just in case I changed my mind and wanted to make something for Thanksgiving...

Low & behold I found an amazingly delicious sounding recipe from eatingwell.com (a favorite of mine)... and instead of sweet potatoes I figured I'd use my yams.

So here I am, 0151 in the morning... waiting for the yams to be done so I can put them in the fridge (to be reheated after the ham in the morning), and excited that the pot roast recipe is a crockpot recipe. :D

10 October 2010

How could I miss this?

I've been going through a rough patch lately. It seems like it's been going for a long time now.

I don't read. I don't get into the Word, and I find myself struggling because of it. Or perhaps until now, I thought I was holding on, until the walls came crashing down tonight.

And when I finally sat down to read. Really, devote time to read, the first thing was:

I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.
Ps 9

and it was good, because recently I have realized how much of an immature Christian I really am. No seriously. I think about the steps of "christianness" and an infant-requires feeding all the time, nonstop care--a child is selfish, only caring for themselves... I am on the brink of these two. I fool others into thinking how mature I am because I do certain things, but inside the child is screaming for attention; wanting someone to feed me...

In brokenness... does worship still happen?

Because it should. God commands us to rejoice. Joy is not an emotion, it's a state of mind. Emotions are because of the circumstances around you. Mindsets are because of the END result.

Then I kept reading...
I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.
Ps 40

Our rejoicing is not because of us. It's because of HIM. HE gives us the new song. HE gives us the strength to praise within a storm, HE alone sustains us, HE carries us, HE lifts us up...

O, how could I be so foolish? How could I forget? How sweet your Words are to my soul...

12 September 2010

Na Wahine Swim (500m) and Spin (12mi)

This morning I woke up at 0430 to get ready for my first kinda real race in a while. By real I mean I wasn't participating in a relay (as I had for Tinman or the Commander's Challenge). Needless to say, I was disappointed that I finished 6th overall out of 13 participants, but at least pleased that I placed 2d in my division (and someone actually finished after me). I was happy with my swim time, and with my bike. I'm so glad I rode with our little Forerunner, I told myself to finish the ride in an hour (5min/mile pace)... and although Monstarrat kicked my butt (the first hill, when I immediately regretted not training), the rest was pretty good. Learning to play with my gears more, and looking forward to being able to do some rides with HACC (hopefully soon) to get more comfortable with hills. We'll see.

Swim: 10:18
T1: 4:54 (*note to self, probably just swim in shorts and biking jersey next time, until I upgrade to a tri top)
Bike: 50:23 (14.3 avg mph)
Total: 1:05:34

Let's just say, it's definitely more motivation for Honu next year...

14 August 2010


Today I went to spin class. For the first time in about two years I'd say. I used to go a lot, when I was in my "pre-pregnancy weight loss" kick... then I got preggo and morning sickness. Then I got non-cancerous jaw bone eating tumor...

Needless to say, I wanted to chicken out. I was thinking, "I could just stay at work, I mean, I am sure I have lots of things to do..." but I had already asked if I could go (and have a little bit extra time, cause 90 min is a little tight when attending a 60 min class that you have to get there 10 min early to make sure you get a bike...and you gotta change out of your uniform before then).

But I wanted to go. So I did.

I told her I was a newbie, and she helped me set up my bike. It felt weird to not have my clip-ins (I think I need new ones, my feet practically stayed same pregnancy larger size)... and I kept thinking to myself, "Don't push too hard, your muscles are weak, they need to build up, last thing you want is to be dying walking around cause your hip hurts too much..."

So I ignored her a couple times when she told us to up the gear...and I pushed. And I pushed... and then at one point, I found myself fighting tears. I don't know why really. I cannot say. I think they were tears of joy, because this was the first time I had really been able to push. And this was the first time, I almost felt normal. I shed a couple, I doubt anyone noticed a couple tears on my cherry red face, and I wiped them off with the sweat...

But I remembered- You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall. (Psalm 18:28-29)

Today, my God helped me scale a wall...

10 August 2010

30 days...

I'm not sure if a lot has happened in the last 30 days... but apparently something has cause I haven't updated in that long.

A long time, a short time, all in perspective.

Many times I've thought of a fb update, or a way I could start a blog. I've thought of things I could write about, complain about, share my struggles... and then I always find something else to do.

But someone told me on Saturday, "I stumbled across your blog, personal, ...I didn't realize you were going through so much..."

And then today someone mentioned, "You have to get braces?!?" and I tried to swallow this journey. This loong journey, that has been over a year now (15 months at least), and then it hit me.

I don't want to go through all of this, and MISS IT. You know, what God is trying to show me. I'm so focused on the circumstance, on wanting it to be over, that I'm not focusing on Him and what He is trying to show me. Now I know this has come up before, but 15 months later... have I grown at all? Seriously... have I? It scares me to think...

But, my prayer is to stay focused through the rest of the time. This has been a long journey and it's not ending anytime soon. Although the potential for another surgery (to break jaw to realign bite) might not be happening any time soon, it's still there. Braces come on mid-Sep and thus begins a different kind of journey. And if it's not fixed by Aug '11 (when we're due to PCS), well... then we press. Talking with my original dentist from Hickam dental, I've realized my next assignment is not so much about where I want to go or what I want to do, but about where a good oral surgeon is (potential to get to Jul '11 and them realize braces won't cut it, and we'll need surgery). We'll see what the list is when it comes out, but I'm confident in this, God will provide. He's a big God.

09 July 2010

Something a little cleaning can't help...

Or at least I thought so, or at least it felt good to get on my hands and knees and clean the floor. I got into a frenzy. It seemed there was just too much and it was just so gross, I couldn't take it anymore. And although I'm still a little anxious about tomorrow, I do feel a tiny bit better knowing there aren't a ton of dishes in the sink, and the floors are relatively clean.

In the meantime, I think about what I should blog about, and all I can think of is
I can't believe:
- I *should* be able to take the full PT test after Sep 26... 1.5 mi run, situps and pushups. WOW
- My son is turning ONE on Monday
- Said child's birthday party is Sunday
- Tricia had Moriah early this morning, and God was soo good with labor of like 5hours, or less. (Craziness! It's her first too!)
- I have become soooo aware of how wicked I am. Seriously. You have no idea. You think you know, but you don't. Marcus might have the best clue of anyone, poor guy.
- Through this time of awareness, I still feel like I am not desperate enough for God. That I'm missing the point... that I'm just not getting it.
- That Marcus still loves me.
- I enrolled in two classes this term and thought it would be a good idea. Fortunately, God worked it out where I have homework due on different dates: Tues, Wed, Sat... now if only I could remember that fact...
- How much, if I let it, I could really complain about work. We'll see after the next couple weeks. All I can pray is for a heart that accepts change, and for my leadership.
- How incredibly amazing God is. Even in all my wickedness, hard heartedness, pride, narcissism... He still loves ME.

I'll leave you with this, something I'm trying to hold on to...

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Eph 4:31-32

02 June 2010

*light* and *momentary* troubles...

My FB status is, "help me to remember these are *light* and *momentary* troubles... regardless of how big and overwhelming they feel now... help me to keep my focus on *you* and not my problem, less I give your glory to another..."

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corin 4:16-18

...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Heb 12:1-3

23 May 2010

Haircut! (Apr)

Before the appointment (28 Apr)



Some of my recent favs of baby and I...(30 Apr)

He's all smiles, and showing off those 6 teeth...

I have a lot of kisses for him!

18 May 2010

So long ago...

Was my last post. Or at least it feels like it.

I can't even remember the last time I posted, or what I said.

But... here's what's on my mind lately...

A Coach purse. Marcus bought me a wallet for Mother's day, but the poor man was so frazzled from the baby that he didn't realize that he had already "paid" for the exact same wallet, a while ago. So he offered to do an upgrade, but I couldn't quite justify paying $300+ for a purse. A PURSE. But oh how much I've started to enjoy them (now that I can't have them). Well, Marcus said I could have the money to buy some things, so I opted for a swim pull buoy, a mesh bag for all swim stuff, and some capris and shorts from Sports Authority. (Too bad seemingly some of them don't fit as well as they did at the store... :/ hmmph) Anyway, that was nice of Marcus. He said, "I remembered that you wanted a wallet, so I bought you one." Very nice.

I used Ebay to purchase something... that was needed for someone else. And God totally worked it out because if I had bought it sooner I could have bought it from the website for a decent price, but I wasted too much time. But it was on Ebay for a little less, but with shipping from Canada it was more than from the original website, but there was an option of Bargaining! The seller accepted an offer that in the end the total cost was $2 less than original price! Totally amazing (God is soo good).

Now I'm addicted to looking at Coach items on Ebay. Sadness. Especially when you lose something cause you're not ALWAYS online. It also shows me how cheap I really am. I refuse to pay full price for anything.

School starts next week. Two classes. That'll be interesting.

Going to Nevada in June for a week, THAT will be fun. I'm excited. Vegas and Reno baby! I'm almost tempted to drive to the Grand Canyon, but that can't be a good idea :P

Orthodontist appt June 2 for a consultation. I've realized, I do hope that they can fix this bite with braces. The other option-break my jaw and be wired shut for 4-6 weeks. *no comment*

Scheduled physical therapy appt same day, so I can make sure I start healing properly. And doing what I can as soon as I can.

I swam 1000m the other day. It was a good workout, and I know I pushed it a little, but it's nice to at least be able to swim to work out. My goal is 30min, 3 times a week.

... time for bed. night night.

29 April 2010

just a quickie...

My sleep gets all sorts of screwy when marcus works nights. Either 4-mid, or mi-8. Either way... last night got to sleep late, which made getting up early to read with Sachi difficult, but still got there and had a good morning with her. I forgot how nice it was to be in the word and fellowship in the morning.

My appointment this morning went well...Col Closmann is very pleased with my recovery, and says that it seems the bone graft is definitely taking. Although it will not be done adjusting for another 4-6 weeks, I have now graduated to soft foods! Such exciting news! I will be getting braces to fix my bite that is off (and makes chewing uncomfortable--sadly), but my consultation appointment isn't until June 2 (sadness). My next appt with oral surgery will be in a month or two, depending on what the orthodontist says. He mentioned possibly last resort in order to fix my bite we'd have to break my jaw (I had to smile when he said this. Just a little...) but that's last resort, we'll see what the orthodontist says (Dr. Jensen-haven't met him).

I can walk without crutches now, just with a minor gimp (or depending on how far I've been walking). Pain is manageable with extra strength tylenol and ibuprofen, and I can now drive myself around...it's more moving the neck around that is an issue, as opposed to my leg and the pedals.

After all that, headed home to grab baby for his opthamology appt. Appears we have nothing to worry about with his "lazy eye" and perhaps it's an optical illusion since he has a flat nose bridge, and if it still appears to be an issue in six months, return for another checkup. Otherwise, he's got great eyes (dad was happy to hear, since he was afraid baby would walk out with glasses). Then some errands with the family...and home again, for shower and getting ready for...

My hair cut! Yep, it's gone. Hopefully I can get the donated hair off to Locks of Love soon... perhaps before going back to work. Below are pics from Photobooth (not the best since the lighting isn't that great, but for now)...my hair is dark since I haven't been in the water swimming a lot for a while now. Hopefully that will change since my profile says "walking/swimming at own pace and distance" and walking for a long time isn't exactly enjoyable.

Overall I really like my cut, and my stylist (let me know if you want a recommendation), and God totally blessed me even more today. I went to go get volumizing shampoo/conditioner and look at some other things at Bobbi and Guy at Ward. To my surprise they were having a sale on all ROUND brushes (which is what Kit used to style my hair), so I looked and they had one! Just for me...perfect, and only like $4 something (this brush was normally $13). AMAZING. THEN if you buy certain brands in certain sizes, you can bring it back for a refill... for half the price of buying new ones. Amazing! So for now, I'll be a Paul Mitchell person. So exciting. AND they give a military discount. 10%. Awesome. Next adventure-finding some styling stuff ("paste" apparently).

God is lord of all...even the little details. :)


27 April 2010


So I was asked this evening why I haven't been blogging.
My response was: I haven't been reading. Not completely true, but mostly true.
My second response was: because all I want to do is complain, and yet I know that through this, I should still PRAISE Him. Because He is *most WORTHY to be praised. (Ps 145:3)

I read with Sherri (and in the presence of Brandon) at Glazers on Monday. What a surprise and a blessing. Although, I think if God hadn't put some questions on Sherri's heart, I'm not sure I would have walked away so blessed. We're reading through 1 Corinthians, and that morning she was thinking about the end of chapter 2. Paul goes on from the end of ch1 into ch2 about how the world's take on wisdom is different than the wisdom of God. He talks about how he "resolved to know nothing except Jesus Christ and him crucified..." (v2) and then at the end of the chapter he quotes Isaiah 40:13 " 'For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct him?' BUT we have the mind of Christ."

At first earlier she had asked, well what is Christ and him crucified? And then, what does that mean, "We have the mind of Christ." Isn't that arrogant? It brought up a lot of good points... about promises made to us, and how even though we can be arrogant in our salvation, most importantly, we must remember...Jesus Christ and him crucified...

Philippians 2:1-11
Imitating Christ's Humility
1If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
6Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death--
even death on a cross!
9Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
10that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

That was Monday. Today's reading was disrupted by cranky child, and not picked up again.

Another reason no blogging-bejeweled blitz. It's like crack. Really. Worse than donut holes.

But tomorrow is another day. And I'm meeting with Sachi in the morning in 7hrs, at our favorite starbucks (well, we all know how I feel about starbucks), but still.

the Word and Fellowship - no better way to start off my day before my appt at tripler for my followup.

I'll let you know how it goes.


15 April 2010

Things I'm looking forward to...

*laughing and sneezing without pain
*walking without assistance or hobbling in pain
*swimming! it hurts kicking...(4/25)
+sleeping on my side... I CAN! (4/28-for a while at least... :D)
-an Andy's smoked ahi sandwich
-chips and salsa with cream cheese
-ninja roll from Gyotaku
-veggie pizza from Magoo's
-Cobb salad (no mushrooms) from I Love Country Cafe (NEX food court)
-delicious breakfast sandwich with meat, egg, cheese and tomatoes
-fajitas...with onions and bell peppers and steak...

That's it for now...

13 April 2010

Hair cut?

Well faithful readers... it's time for some polling...

I'm considering getting my hair cut. Well it's a little more than considering... I asked my friend Angie about her hair stylist, because she has amazing hair. Really, she's beautiful and her hair is always amazing. She inspired me to get the digital perm, and since I was growing my hair out for Marcus (he likes long hair), he offered to pay for my perm (quite pricey those things). Anyway, I guess Ang is my hair inspiration. So I asked about her stylist, and she gave me his card, and I never called him. So the other day she offered to bring me to her hair appointment, so I could meet him. I was excited to meet him because she told me he's honest, and I love stylists that are honest with you (like, I want to do this to my hair... no you don't).

Anyway. If I'm going to cut it, it's going to be all of it, since I want to donate it to Locks of Love (minimum of 10")... so unlike Kit's original suggestion of going gradual, I won't necessarily being doing it that way. Below are some pictures of hair styles I'm thinking about... interested in your feedback.

a) b)
c) d)

12 April 2010

Life update...

I suspect it's time for an update. Especially since I went to the doc this morning. This is what he said:
-Don't spend all day in bed, You could get blood clots. But don't put a lot of weight on your right leg. Just live life like normal...with crutches... do you want a cane?
-Let's get those staples out .... hunh, looks a little red. No ocean or pool for at least a week... ok fine you can go in this weekend, as long as it looks better than this. No, I wouldn't be concerned about those red dots.
-Your neck looks great. No, don't pick at the glue, it'll come off on its own Yeah, your bone graft will change shape for the next six months or so. The bone was cut into blocks you know, we tried to shape it accordingly, but it'll eventually calm down and look normal...but I'm fairly confident your graft is taking... as long as there is no ooze coming out anywhere, or swelling.... etc.
-NO, no chewing. Biting counts as chewing. Not for another 4 weeks.
-Looking good, see you in TWO weeks! Then we'll talk about braces...and try to stop taking narcotics... try to just take tylenol and ibuprofen.

I think that's about all the updates from the mouth people. I about killed myself on my crutches walking down the hall at the oral surgery clinic. Good one hunh?

Otherwise...looks like I'll be be back at work on time, and feeling exponentially better in a couple weeks. I hope so...

In the meantime, I have some gory pics... but as noted by the baby blog post from yesterday... I'm not really into downloading pics lately, trying to minimize my computer time...

03 April 2010

Layin' back...

Well, I'm trying to take it easy. So far think I'm doing ok. I mean, we went to Momentum last night and all that sitting in the wheelchair did a number on my hip. It was about 3 hours, so I think tomorrow morning for church, there will not be as much sitting in the chair as much, and we probably won't stay as long either. Although it was nice to get out, my heart was not in it. Which really sucked, since the whole point was worship. I mean, Good Friday, a day to reflect and remember all of God's goodness because we 'have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God...' (rom 3:23) amazing because the 'wages of sin is death' (rom 6:23) so we all deserve death. But thankfully we 'are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement...' (rom 3:24-25a). It's amazing. Not only did Christ pay the price for us, but he rose from the dead!

Anyway. I mean, the point was I was excited to go to Momentum and worship, but the events through the night didn't make for a great evening. It was hard. Painful. There were complications... but at the end of the night, God made his grace evidence. I knew that he'd prevail. A brother prayed for me, reminding me of God's goodness. And in the morning God was faithful to restore me.

Unfortunately through the night, I forgot... well chose to not take my meds in the middle of the night because I thought I would try to see if I could make it, needless to say I woke up after the fact (1.5hrs after they were due) and it hurt baaad. So I learned my lesson when it comes to meds.

Ah. I must be doing better, because I'm starting to have dreams. Or at least remembering them. Too bad they're crazy dreams. Like this one was that my leg was this weird jello or something and wasn't shaped right. And I was scared it was going to be like that all that time. It was weird. Speaking of dreams. It reminds me of the hospital stay. Dr. Hsu told me to make sure I took deep breaths since my air pockets shrunk a little, but overnight I would wake up gasping for air because my heartrate was so slow, my breathing was very slow. It's crazy weird. I know that for sure my heartrate was as low as 59 bpm... but that breathing thing. Very weird. I don't remember that from the last surgery. I think I was too drugged up. I remembered the nurse kept coming in and telling me that I needed to put the Oxygen mask closer to my face, cause I wasn't breathing.

Someone mentioned before my surgery that I should enjoy my time off with the baby. I really wanted to tell them, "you know, it's not really time off when you're recovering from major surgery. You know, when you cannot move your leg on your own and use this little lasso thing, when I cannot even hold my own son.... no right now, I'm not really enjoying my time off, I'm trying to recovery... which doesn't leave a lot of room for baby." That's my venting.

Actually, today was the first day that the baby was allowed on the bed with me. We keep him on the left side, and there's less danger of him stepping on my hip or grabbing my jaw. He seems to be doing better though. Now that he gets mommy play time, and he can hang out in the bedroom causing mischief. And lately, I'm starting to realize how much I love him. He is very cute. The faces he makes, the things he does... all very adorable. That's one thing I am thankful for, at least I get to watch him. And see him almost walking. Can you believe it, he's almost walking?!?

Hmm.. what else can I talk about? Food. I enjoy eating non chewing foods. Let's see... I had a shakeology this morning, then some blended chili, milk and ovaltine milk throughout the day. Then some Bobba Loca (Peach Mango-thanks Michelle!), some slapchopped spicy ahi poke and chocolate covered strawberries from jamba (great drink-thanks Tricia!) Marcus also went to get Mark today and he went out and grabbed me some delicious mochi and some azuki bean deliciousness. But something I'm looking forward to is some Jamba Oatmeal! Some delicious blueberry blackberry oatmeal :)

That's it for now. I know this is very scatter brained, but it's been the past couple hours that I've been writing it...so... probably time to sign off for the night.

01 April 2010


Well, maybe one day I'll post pics. But it isn't pretty. Good thing I cannot see my hip. I cannot imagine how that looks. Let's see... not eating chewy things are going ok. Marcus is doing great blending stuff for me... Had some poke with rice, and delicious soup from Covenant Books, and this morning he made me a shakeology for breakfast. I also had some greek yogurt with honey, and some Pohnpeiian spaghetti. I think once I can start thinking clearly, I'll start planning some meals so I can stick to healthy stuff. Need to lose some weight you know, since last time I only lost about 7lbs. As long as I lose it healthy, it'll be great. Gotta eat good stuff. Been drinking some v8 Fusion to help get some veggies in too.. and milk for those antibiotics/painkillers in the middle of the night.

Pain. It hurts. The hip is nuts. Like I keep saying over and over, I'm so grateful I don't have both hips jacked up. Dr Closmann even said there was a little bit extra. Although, apparently I have thin bones (darn it, guess I cannot blame being thick boned for being "large" lol). But like I said, miraculously despite thin bones, they still got enough (5"x2") to cover my defect on my jaw, and with a little extra. Now, healing wise we pray that the bone graft takes and there is no failure, or else we'll go through this again. But regardless of what happens, I have to hold on to the fact that my God is a big God, and that he's in charge.

"I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever." Ps 145:1-2

Anyway... I cannot think of anything much new to talk about. My face is all sorts of swollen, since the steroids are coming out of my system, it'll be the 72hrs that is the worse of it all... so hopefully after today's pictures the swelling will go back down. I'm not sure. Next appt is on Monday, so it couldn't have been that bad, if they're not making me come back on Friday...so we'll see. I am very thankful that my wheelchair came in today. Yesterday, walking from the car to the elevator and to the door was difficult... even with crutches. So perhaps I might venture out of the apartment tomorrow... with my new ride :)

Checking out the scar... we'll see how it looks finalized

Morning after coming home... 1 Apr

Morning of Surgery... boo boo woke up (30 Mar)

31 March 2010

Home safe and sound...

There seemed to have been some confusion, my surgery was 30 March. And thankfully this time I only stayed in the hospital for one night.

The doctors said that my surgery went really well. Three hours to cut a huge chunk out of only my right side and put it on the titanium bar. I was very stoked to wake up with only one side hurting AND they didn't band me shut. What miracles God provided!

This time I was in the Progressive Care unit, as opposed to the ICU or the Recovery Ward. It was interesting being in a different ward. At first I was not very impressed with the care. I felt like they didn't really care about me, or weren't aware of my case. Then they seemed huffy when I asked them to close my door because they were so loud in the hallway. But then the shifts changed and it went better. The nurses start to catch on about needing help unplugging and moving my right leg and going to the bathroom all the time. I had to change my IV location four different times because of whatever reason, my veins didn't like the potassium, or the antibiotics, or whatevers. It was difficult, but I'm glad it's over. All capsules and pills now. Hooray! No liquid meds. Just liquid diet.

No chewing for 6 weeks... So at least it's not a complete liquid diet, I can still blend some soups and all that good stuff... so we'll see. The docs threatened me. Saying that chewing will help destroy the graft, and I have to stay off my right leg for a couple weeks and no hard walking for 3 months. Prayers and taking it easy it will be!

Time for munchies... sort of... g'night!

16 March 2010


It tends to set in at the weirdest times... or perhaps not weird at all. All I know is tends to hit me like a ton of bricks. And it usually occurs when Marcus is working his swings, and isn't around me to comfort me. So instead, I isolate myself. From friends and fellowship. This was our conversation:

M: How are you doing?
B: Not good
M: Want someone to eat ice cream with?
B: NO it'll make me fat. I don't want to eat ice cream with anyone.
M: Why don't you go to the girls' house?
B: I don't want to. I don't like them. They don't like me.
M: What about Lei? I bet you could go to her place.
B: I don't care about Lei.
M: Wow... You could read...
B: I don't want to read. I know I should read and pray... but I don't want to. I'm just a black wet cat. I want to be left alone but I don't like being alone.
M: Um....

Poor guy. He tried. All the tricks of the trade... Ice cream, girl friends, Jesus...and still I rejected them all.

I think women in general struggle with feeling wanted. Struggle with the lies that Satan pours into our heads that no one cares about us. Everyone else is busy with their own ministry they don't have time for us. They don't care... and in reality...it's a lie.

We have to fight back. We have to hold on to the truth. We have to CRY out for God's help. We have to LOOK UP...
I lift up my eyes to the hills-
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD ,
the Maker of heaven and earth. (ps 121:1-2)
In my distress I called to the LORD ;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears. (ps 18:6)
He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me. (ps 18:16-19)
You, O LORD , keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.
With your help I can advance against a troop;
with my God I can scale a wall. (ps 18:28-29)
"You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing." (ps 16:2b)

Remember: "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (eph 6:12)

Remember: "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." (ps 139:14)

13 March 2010

Some Pics...

It's been a while since I've posted some pics I think... I get lazy and do facebook. But tonight while trying to videotape the baby on the camera, my 2GB card was full. Time to data dump and erase it clean. :) Enjoy some pics!

Thus far my favoritest pic of the baby and I...(Jan 28)

Mom and I before Bill Cosby (Jan 15)

Some different angled pics of the face... trying to see if can notice difference...
I think the healing is as good as it gets for now... but I have to remember I'm a work in progress
(Feb 12)

I look at these last two pictures and I can definitely see the difference in the shape of my face... but for now... I wait. And try not to stare too long into the mirror...

06 March 2010


I have racer's regret. I get very excited for races and then the night before the race I'm ALWAYS thinking, "What the heck was I thinking?!!?!" No different for this race. This race... the Ft. DeRussy Biathlon (run/swim). I've done this race at least since 2006. I'd check, but the baby would be bothered and probably won't help my case in getting him in sleep.

Anyway... I worked night shift Wed/Thurs night so I got home Fri morning and completely passed out 0830 until Marcus brought the baby in at 1630. Anyway, I went to bed around 0030 Fri night since Marcus took me out to dinner and the David Crowder worship concert (AAAAMAZING!) Needless to say I told Marcus that my goal was to get up at 0530, and leave at 0600 (race started at 0700). However, the baby woke up around 0430 and needed some comforting. The next thing I knew, Marcus is asking me what time I was leaving. I said (in a very mean tone--sorry babe), "I told you, get up at 0530, leave at 0600" then he responded with, "It's 0600..." AAAAAH!

So I rolled out of bed, made it just in time... met up with with McIntosh, Breen, and Framsted from work...and surprising Oravetz. Got all marked up and ready for the race. Thankfully I remembered my shuffle, music was a great addition. I thought I'd be walking this race. I was sad about not being able to run the race...and since every year I've placed... either by default or actually working for it. It would take a lot of my pride being humbled not placing this year. But when it came push to shove, starting it with everyone... I couldn't not try to run. So I did... I jogged. And I kept jogging. The first time I jogged for a whole 4:30! I think with the adrenaline and healing, I wasn't in as much pain as I was once. Eitherway, I jogged, I walked, I jogged, and walked again... I am horribly out of shape, but it was awesome. I finished in about 32:41 (my time), with a great swim of less than 13min. Minus transition... Anyway. It was great to be back in the "race" :)

I made a shirt the night before, I wanted to make it obvious the reason I wasn't running like everyone else, it said, "Ameloblastoma WON'T slow me down...ok maybe a little..."i press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:14.

Anyway...had a great time, was super pooped. Now I'm fighting a cold, or something. Runny nose, sneezing... :/

Well, it doesn't appear the baby wants to sleep, and time for a little cuddling and bottle.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." Phil 3:12

08 February 2010

March 30...

The next big day.

Where there will be two teams of surgeons, going in to add bone to my titanium bar (which really, looks like a bike chain). Met with Dr. Closmann today, and we did a full panel xray (I got a copy, and will try to somehow post to the net... it's a hard copy of an xray...)anyway. He muttered. Well first he said I looked good. Looked like I lost weight (nope), swelling down, looking pretty normal. Neck scar is healing well... then we did the xray.

He looked at it. And muttered. Mumbled..."Big..."

There is a large gap of no bone. So large, that he's 50% sure that it will require taking bone from both sides of my hip (the front side-important to note, because potentially they could take bone from the back side) and will not be able to do the graft with one piece. I pressed to get a surgery date. I don't like being in limbo. Also, my PCS date is lingering in front of me now (it is NOW 2010...the year I PCS). We talked about complications of this surgery, bone graft rejection, and having to go in and get bone from another place (he suggested the front side of my shin--I forgot the name of the bone...I requested doing the back side of my hip instead). I wanted to cry as he was talking to me about it. I mean, really. I know this ISN'T cancer. This ISN'T life threatening.... but-- it's still a big deal to me.

The pain. Going through another surgery, with the pain of recovery, and numbness and swelling, AND pain on my hip. I asked if they could do a little tummy tuck while they were there, I mean, already around my midsection. He kind of laughed. I just...

This requires a lot of faith. Or maybe really only enough faith the size of a mustard seed. Enough faith for me to ACT on it. Act on knowing my God is bigger than this whole situation. Bigger than this huge surgery that is required. Bigger than my fear, my uncertainty, my pain.

Just a little bit of Faith... to not lose focus.

06 February 2010

ah life...

Trying to figure out what all I should post about...

Doing the Great Aloha Run in a couple weeks. I'll be walking all 8.something miles with my child in the BOB stroller the BBG ladies got me for my baby shower oh-so-long ago. That thing has really put on some miles, especially with my mom who likes running errands with baby and it. After that, I'll be doing the Ft. DeRussy Biathlon on Mar 6. I signed up for the short course, and I'll be doing it by myself... it'll be a 2.5k run (walk for me~1.5mi) and a 500m swim. I could have done the long course (5k run, 1000m swim) swim-wise... but I'm not sure I would have enjoyed walking 5k... that's like a PT test. And I'm trying to come to grips with not placing this year. Every year I've placed, either by default or by actually beating some one out... sigh. I might have had a chance if I chose someone to be my run partner... but I opted to do this myself... if you remember, last year Kirby was my run partner, it was the first time I did the long course swim...and the longest swim I've ever done.

Speaking of swimming, Marcus bought me a new sa-weet one piece swimsuit for Valentine's day. I LOOOVE it. I broke it in last week (I got all my presents early :P) and it's awesome. I can officially swim 1800-2200 in an hour. It's a workout routine, so not straight swimming, but still a swimming workout. Loving it. Plus being on day shift has allowed me to do some swimming at work, so that has been nice. Also been putting my new swim goggles to good use (got them for Christmas). They're way cool.

My next oral surgery appt is on Monday, and we're supposedly supposed to schedule my next surgery (in Mar). I'm hoping for end of Mar, around 20th or so. We'll see what they say. Ironically enough, it'd be better for both of our workplaces if it could wait til around that time. On the down side, it's started to hurt a little when I chew on the left side, cause a pain on the bone part... I'll have them check it out. I'll also have to pay more attention to what tooth and all that. I think they might do a full-panel xray... that'll be cool. To see it at least.

Speaking of teeth, next week is also my dental appts to have my three fillings done on my cavities... on the left side. It'll be interesting to see how they'll be keeping my mouth open, since I have nothing to bite down on the right side.

Not sure if I told you, but there was an opening at Wheeler (here on island) for a position that I could fill when I'm supposed to move, but apparently things got a little out of hand when I was trying to "put the bug in their ear" about where I wanted to go, and the person that is in charge of assignments wasn't too happy with it and pretty much nixed it. :/ It's cool, God's in control...next shot-Tacoma, WA. We'll see if Ft Lewis has an opening for me... (list to come out in March).

I think that's about it...
Time to clean up before hubby comes home...and hopefully I'll be sleeping by the time that happens too. Night!

For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. Ps 30:5

27 January 2010

Alright Alright...


I videotaped my child. I tried to tape him crawling (since Scarlett can you know...gotta do that friendly baby competition)... and instead he moved around a lot on his toosh and then decided he wanted to show off his ability to pull himself up...and as I'm videotaping, I start laughing, cause he's so proud of himself...and then I say, "You're gonna fall..." [hello, he was only holding on with ONE hand...showoff] and then... he did. He fell and knocked his head on the floor... and I...laughed. *sigh*

I'm still deciding if I want to post the entire video with him falling and laughter... or cut it out. Ahh... the joys of parenthood. I think I belong to school of hard knocks, or something.

Update with me... I ended up taking my PT test and passed...with a 75. Wasn't too happy with the score, but at least for my OPR and everything, it only matters that I "meet standards" and passing is meeting standards. I'd like to retest in March before the second surgery, so I can improve my score and have the opportunity to extend my next test date. We'll see.

What else is new. Ah I know... I won Volunteer of the year for my squadron, and my group. I didn't make it at the 13AF level, but I do get to have my picture posted on the wall in two different places---ALL year. :) Anyway. I went to go take my pic, and got all dolled up (well you know, makeup and service dress) and then the photographer showed me my pic. The first thing I noticed was my jaw line. It didn't look the same. I started to tear up...and I ran off to the bathroom. A Lt Col came in after me and asked me about what was going on, why I was so upset and all. In the end, she ended up praying for me. It was super cool. A stranger, someone I didn't know totally prayed for me and because we both believe in Jesus we are united... way cool.

Anyway. Time to get ready for bed. Three day work weekend tomorrow... :) and prayerfully I'll remember Mark 1:35 Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. and rise early for reading in the morning.