08 February 2010

March 30...

The next big day.

Where there will be two teams of surgeons, going in to add bone to my titanium bar (which really, looks like a bike chain). Met with Dr. Closmann today, and we did a full panel xray (I got a copy, and will try to somehow post to the net... it's a hard copy of an xray...)anyway. He muttered. Well first he said I looked good. Looked like I lost weight (nope), swelling down, looking pretty normal. Neck scar is healing well... then we did the xray.

He looked at it. And muttered. Mumbled..."Big..."

There is a large gap of no bone. So large, that he's 50% sure that it will require taking bone from both sides of my hip (the front side-important to note, because potentially they could take bone from the back side) and will not be able to do the graft with one piece. I pressed to get a surgery date. I don't like being in limbo. Also, my PCS date is lingering in front of me now (it is NOW 2010...the year I PCS). We talked about complications of this surgery, bone graft rejection, and having to go in and get bone from another place (he suggested the front side of my shin--I forgot the name of the bone...I requested doing the back side of my hip instead). I wanted to cry as he was talking to me about it. I mean, really. I know this ISN'T cancer. This ISN'T life threatening.... but-- it's still a big deal to me.

The pain. Going through another surgery, with the pain of recovery, and numbness and swelling, AND pain on my hip. I asked if they could do a little tummy tuck while they were there, I mean, already around my midsection. He kind of laughed. I just...

This requires a lot of faith. Or maybe really only enough faith the size of a mustard seed. Enough faith for me to ACT on it. Act on knowing my God is bigger than this whole situation. Bigger than this huge surgery that is required. Bigger than my fear, my uncertainty, my pain.

Just a little bit of Faith... to not lose focus.

06 February 2010

ah life...

Trying to figure out what all I should post about...

Doing the Great Aloha Run in a couple weeks. I'll be walking all 8.something miles with my child in the BOB stroller the BBG ladies got me for my baby shower oh-so-long ago. That thing has really put on some miles, especially with my mom who likes running errands with baby and it. After that, I'll be doing the Ft. DeRussy Biathlon on Mar 6. I signed up for the short course, and I'll be doing it by myself... it'll be a 2.5k run (walk for me~1.5mi) and a 500m swim. I could have done the long course (5k run, 1000m swim) swim-wise... but I'm not sure I would have enjoyed walking 5k... that's like a PT test. And I'm trying to come to grips with not placing this year. Every year I've placed, either by default or by actually beating some one out... sigh. I might have had a chance if I chose someone to be my run partner... but I opted to do this myself... if you remember, last year Kirby was my run partner, it was the first time I did the long course swim...and the longest swim I've ever done.

Speaking of swimming, Marcus bought me a new sa-weet one piece swimsuit for Valentine's day. I LOOOVE it. I broke it in last week (I got all my presents early :P) and it's awesome. I can officially swim 1800-2200 in an hour. It's a workout routine, so not straight swimming, but still a swimming workout. Loving it. Plus being on day shift has allowed me to do some swimming at work, so that has been nice. Also been putting my new swim goggles to good use (got them for Christmas). They're way cool.

My next oral surgery appt is on Monday, and we're supposedly supposed to schedule my next surgery (in Mar). I'm hoping for end of Mar, around 20th or so. We'll see what they say. Ironically enough, it'd be better for both of our workplaces if it could wait til around that time. On the down side, it's started to hurt a little when I chew on the left side, cause a pain on the bone part... I'll have them check it out. I'll also have to pay more attention to what tooth and all that. I think they might do a full-panel xray... that'll be cool. To see it at least.

Speaking of teeth, next week is also my dental appts to have my three fillings done on my cavities... on the left side. It'll be interesting to see how they'll be keeping my mouth open, since I have nothing to bite down on the right side.

Not sure if I told you, but there was an opening at Wheeler (here on island) for a position that I could fill when I'm supposed to move, but apparently things got a little out of hand when I was trying to "put the bug in their ear" about where I wanted to go, and the person that is in charge of assignments wasn't too happy with it and pretty much nixed it. :/ It's cool, God's in control...next shot-Tacoma, WA. We'll see if Ft Lewis has an opening for me... (list to come out in March).

I think that's about it...
Time to clean up before hubby comes home...and hopefully I'll be sleeping by the time that happens too. Night!

For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. Ps 30:5