31 March 2010

Home safe and sound...

There seemed to have been some confusion, my surgery was 30 March. And thankfully this time I only stayed in the hospital for one night.

The doctors said that my surgery went really well. Three hours to cut a huge chunk out of only my right side and put it on the titanium bar. I was very stoked to wake up with only one side hurting AND they didn't band me shut. What miracles God provided!

This time I was in the Progressive Care unit, as opposed to the ICU or the Recovery Ward. It was interesting being in a different ward. At first I was not very impressed with the care. I felt like they didn't really care about me, or weren't aware of my case. Then they seemed huffy when I asked them to close my door because they were so loud in the hallway. But then the shifts changed and it went better. The nurses start to catch on about needing help unplugging and moving my right leg and going to the bathroom all the time. I had to change my IV location four different times because of whatever reason, my veins didn't like the potassium, or the antibiotics, or whatevers. It was difficult, but I'm glad it's over. All capsules and pills now. Hooray! No liquid meds. Just liquid diet.

No chewing for 6 weeks... So at least it's not a complete liquid diet, I can still blend some soups and all that good stuff... so we'll see. The docs threatened me. Saying that chewing will help destroy the graft, and I have to stay off my right leg for a couple weeks and no hard walking for 3 months. Prayers and taking it easy it will be!

Time for munchies... sort of... g'night!

16 March 2010

Depression...

It tends to set in at the weirdest times... or perhaps not weird at all. All I know is tends to hit me like a ton of bricks. And it usually occurs when Marcus is working his swings, and isn't around me to comfort me. So instead, I isolate myself. From friends and fellowship. This was our conversation:

M: How are you doing?
B: Not good
M: Want someone to eat ice cream with?
B: NO it'll make me fat. I don't want to eat ice cream with anyone.
M: Why don't you go to the girls' house?
B: I don't want to. I don't like them. They don't like me.
M: What about Lei? I bet you could go to her place.
B: I don't care about Lei.
M: Wow... You could read...
B: I don't want to read. I know I should read and pray... but I don't want to. I'm just a black wet cat. I want to be left alone but I don't like being alone.
M: Um....

Poor guy. He tried. All the tricks of the trade... Ice cream, girl friends, Jesus...and still I rejected them all.

I think women in general struggle with feeling wanted. Struggle with the lies that Satan pours into our heads that no one cares about us. Everyone else is busy with their own ministry they don't have time for us. They don't care... and in reality...it's a lie.

We have to fight back. We have to hold on to the truth. We have to CRY out for God's help. We have to LOOK UP...
I lift up my eyes to the hills-
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD ,
the Maker of heaven and earth. (ps 121:1-2)
In my distress I called to the LORD ;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears. (ps 18:6)
He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me. (ps 18:16-19)
You, O LORD , keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.
With your help I can advance against a troop;
with my God I can scale a wall. (ps 18:28-29)
"You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing." (ps 16:2b)

Remember: "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (eph 6:12)

Remember: "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." (ps 139:14)

13 March 2010

Some Pics...

It's been a while since I've posted some pics I think... I get lazy and do facebook. But tonight while trying to videotape the baby on the camera, my 2GB card was full. Time to data dump and erase it clean. :) Enjoy some pics!

Thus far my favoritest pic of the baby and I...(Jan 28)

Mom and I before Bill Cosby (Jan 15)

Some different angled pics of the face... trying to see if can notice difference...
I think the healing is as good as it gets for now... but I have to remember I'm a work in progress
(Feb 12)

I look at these last two pictures and I can definitely see the difference in the shape of my face... but for now... I wait. And try not to stare too long into the mirror...

06 March 2010

Aah...life...

I have racer's regret. I get very excited for races and then the night before the race I'm ALWAYS thinking, "What the heck was I thinking?!!?!" No different for this race. This race... the Ft. DeRussy Biathlon (run/swim). I've done this race at least since 2006. I'd check, but the baby would be bothered and probably won't help my case in getting him in sleep.

Anyway... I worked night shift Wed/Thurs night so I got home Fri morning and completely passed out 0830 until Marcus brought the baby in at 1630. Anyway, I went to bed around 0030 Fri night since Marcus took me out to dinner and the David Crowder worship concert (AAAAMAZING!) Needless to say I told Marcus that my goal was to get up at 0530, and leave at 0600 (race started at 0700). However, the baby woke up around 0430 and needed some comforting. The next thing I knew, Marcus is asking me what time I was leaving. I said (in a very mean tone--sorry babe), "I told you, get up at 0530, leave at 0600" then he responded with, "It's 0600..." AAAAAH!

So I rolled out of bed, made it just in time... met up with with McIntosh, Breen, and Framsted from work...and surprising Oravetz. Got all marked up and ready for the race. Thankfully I remembered my shuffle, music was a great addition. I thought I'd be walking this race. I was sad about not being able to run the race...and since every year I've placed... either by default or actually working for it. It would take a lot of my pride being humbled not placing this year. But when it came push to shove, starting it with everyone... I couldn't not try to run. So I did... I jogged. And I kept jogging. The first time I jogged for a whole 4:30! I think with the adrenaline and healing, I wasn't in as much pain as I was once. Eitherway, I jogged, I walked, I jogged, and walked again... I am horribly out of shape, but it was awesome. I finished in about 32:41 (my time), with a great swim of less than 13min. Minus transition... Anyway. It was great to be back in the "race" :)

I made a shirt the night before, I wanted to make it obvious the reason I wasn't running like everyone else, it said, "Ameloblastoma WON'T slow me down...ok maybe a little..."i press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:14.

Anyway...had a great time, was super pooped. Now I'm fighting a cold, or something. Runny nose, sneezing... :/

Well, it doesn't appear the baby wants to sleep, and time for a little cuddling and bottle.
G'night!

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." Phil 3:12