10 October 2010

How could I miss this?

I've been going through a rough patch lately. It seems like it's been going for a long time now.

I don't read. I don't get into the Word, and I find myself struggling because of it. Or perhaps until now, I thought I was holding on, until the walls came crashing down tonight.

And when I finally sat down to read. Really, devote time to read, the first thing was:

I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.
Ps 9

and it was good, because recently I have realized how much of an immature Christian I really am. No seriously. I think about the steps of "christianness" and an infant-requires feeding all the time, nonstop care--a child is selfish, only caring for themselves... I am on the brink of these two. I fool others into thinking how mature I am because I do certain things, but inside the child is screaming for attention; wanting someone to feed me...

In brokenness... does worship still happen?

Because it should. God commands us to rejoice. Joy is not an emotion, it's a state of mind. Emotions are because of the circumstances around you. Mindsets are because of the END result.

Then I kept reading...
I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.
Ps 40

Our rejoicing is not because of us. It's because of HIM. HE gives us the new song. HE gives us the strength to praise within a storm, HE alone sustains us, HE carries us, HE lifts us up...

O, how could I be so foolish? How could I forget? How sweet your Words are to my soul...


Kimberly Shigeoka said...

It makes me happy to hear you find comfort. Be happy love!

Anonymous said...

Oh Bren! I think you are selling yourself a little bit short, because you are acknowledging the problem, and most people who I consider selfish, don't even do that. =) You are such a wonderful person and a great friend and sometimes just taking time for you is the best you can do, not only for your sanity, but to just 'be' for a while. I love and miss you very much!