not understanding seems to be the point lately. it's not about why, but about following. not asking what the destination is, but knowing the way (jesus).
but sometimes it's hard to do that.
this morning i took my last pt test before my surgery. thanks to jesus i did far better than i thought i would, especially since my waist was .5" bigger than my last test, so i wasn't too thrilled about starting the test that way, but i just gave it my all. i walked the mile in 11:18! that is crazy fast. unfortunately my heart rate monitor was retarded. it would show my heart rate for a few minutes and then switch to the chrono time on its own. i pushed the button on the third lap to get it to show the hr again, but then by the time i crossed the finish line it was missing again, so they had to do the manual one. but i guess something happened, because when i got back from finishing the lap with mcalister's wife they had to redo the manual hr check and it turned out to be 154. i told them they could use 174 which is what it was before the time showed up, but you know, i guess they can't go on my word. then the situps came around and i was nervous. but i changed into my regular shoes (did the walk in the vibrams and socks) and pumped out 51 situps! (thankfully! i didn't know that there is a gap, 51 gets 9.5 and 53 gets 10... nothing in the middle. so i'm happy with 51) anyway, end score was 94.11, exempt from pushups, test again in 6 months.
then the pain started. my neck. or something in my jaw connected to my neck. to the point that it hurt to open my mouth... i don't know how or what, but it happened. all i can take is tylenol... since everything else thins your blood (no no for surgery).
i'm trying not to get mad, because my instinct is, "really GOD? i'm going to be wired shut for who knows how long or what they're doing to me, these are the last 4 days i have of real freedom without the guilt of pt test and now it hurts WORSE to eat now than it did before the pt test. UGH." so that's that.
now i just have to trust him. and draw near. because his ways are definitely higher than mine.