25 March 2014

A slow progression

It's been a long and short three weeks. Hannah's weight issues/my milk issues have been overwhelming. And life consuming. Think about it, since her birth I have stayed home (except for doctor appointments and one "free" day I saw my friend after she delivered) to pump, and feed my daughter. To have as much skin to skin time, this girl hardly wears clothes. She wears a shirt when we go out, because we want to protect her skin from the carseat. I also, hardly wear any clothes. With all the boob access she needed, I walk around topless. And mostly without pants too.

I've had highs and lows. I thought we were fixing my milk issues, she still didn't gain weight. Thought we were making progress, she lost weight. Every time I go to the doctor's office to do a weight check, I cry on the way there. For one reason or another. My body has failed me, I've failed my daughter, God has failed me (yup I said it, I'm real). We tried a weight check before and after a feeding, only to have a malfunction with the scale and an 'estimate' that she only took in 20ml. And finally, on Monday we had a break. Kind of. She was up from 3.5kg to 3.8kg. Almost 7lbs 12oz, from 7lb 5.5oz the Friday before. That poor girl... babies are expected to gain about an oz a day... not 6 ounces over the weekend!

But... she's gaining weight. And I am slowly trying to come to terms with supplementing. Tomorrow is an appointment with a midwife, to discuss testing to check thyroid and a request for Reglan. I'm grasping at straws and I would like a chance to really do this. If not to increase my supply so my baby girl is off formula.

We will see. And for now, I press on.

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